i wish i could want

i wish i could want it
the dissolution
i want
the freedom
i want
the courage
i want
the life
i want
i wish i could want it
more than wantlessness
floating on a salty sea
of expanding horizon
where
is the other side
of over there?
now that i have jumped
the fence
collapsed as it was
the barbed wire
not even ancient
but rusted just the same
fence post
laying
face down
in the muddy truth
of sacred ground.

i lay in the sand
face down to the tiny particles of
remaking themselves
bits
of dirt
and bodies
of crusted dead
shells and seaweed
and underwater worlds
of pure alive

why isn't it easier
to discern
who
the predators are
in my life?

how i can curl
up
into
sleep
and make the world
go away
for as long as i
can agree
to sleep
in this
peaceful state
of still dreaming.

i want something else now
what is it?