i'm moving things.
i'm moving things and organizing things and shifting things in the become yourself space, in the sun gallery studio while we teach there, in my self as i face the ocean.
i'm still not comfortable in my own skin.
i keep manifesting places to be and people to love me and when they do i somehow remain too much--to practiced at the persona of myself and not enough my comfortable self.
i don't know how to be comfortable as myself.
i don't know how to get out of my stories of myself and just be.
still.
as i close the doors on this master's degree in transformative art, i don't know how to just be.
being is all there is to human.
and today i admit i don't know how to drop into the human being of my self.
self.
self.
self.
self.
self.
self.
self.
self.
self.
self.
i sit in the supply closet at become yourself and sift and sort and take things to the offering spot for the adjoining studios.
i do not know how to love myself yet. still.
and this is impossible...to teach or share or be for another until one can come from knowing how to do this for one's self.
i share the journey outloud as a means of confession.
i continue to need to confess....
2 comments:
is sifting the active engagement that is required - as if you prepare the self to be recovered,claimed or found anew...i think of the sifting and washing - standing in the river, the shallows...scooping the water, and sifting the sand and dirt and rocks while keeping alert for a small flash of gold.
well said, Cat. and, that act of being, just being. with all the uncomfortable-ness, and no where to hide and saying yes anyway, is true and real. nothing grander than that.
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