performance art? women's spirituality?

performance poetry? performance? ceremony? ritual? margaret spoke--in a final blessing--"it is done"--for the thesis--just turn it in. then, we talked about the future. a phd at ciis? in women's spirituality? "let's get honest," she says in her life leveling way, "that's what you're REALLY doing...". i consider. i feel so close to what is possible for myself and my life in the black hut. i see what is unfolding at BECOME YOURSELF. i navigate this divorce thing with the support of a creative community. i look out the window at the container gardens in the shared courtyard of a whole community of artists. i am close...where are the cigars? i consider. i consider. i consider the man in the opposite kitchen in the yellow shirt turning on the knobs of his gas stove. i am writing again. i am writing the first blog entry since the last blog entry i will never get to take down? for the computer that is no longer mine. disappeared on the day--the june 30th day of completing the completable. i am complete. is this true? am i complete with my master's program? with my marriage? with this moment in this time at this window looking out onto this little corner of the world? it is curious to be writing again--and writing about whatever comes. i was trying to describe this to the poet i live with. she and i share poetry in all the awkward moments of trying to figure out how to stop talking about things that don't matter. we go to our shared library where we have co-mingled our sacred books and we pluck what is ready to be spoken. tonight, ee. i look at his picture on the cover of his 100 selected poems. i look to see who selected them. ee himself? i consider, if i saw him on the bus, would i have known the depth of him? what do poets do for their day jobs? i consider. i consider stories and ideas and dreams and the uncashed check for $25 for winning the poetry contest--the chaparral poets--proving to myself that poets do, sometimes, get paid. i still have the first $25 i earned as a poet--or i never had it--as i never cashed the check. is having the check the same as having the money? i think not. i consider. we are nearing the end of our art teaching summer camp gig at sun. we will not renew our relationships in on-going ways there. it is bittersweet--like all of life. like chocolate. like my husband being in cabo with our children for the next seven days. i consider the bath. i consider the bar with the dusty blow up frog on the roof--close enough to walk home. i consider the bed--cozy and waiting. i consider that i have never just dated anything for very long--that i am one for falling in love with love and the one i'm with. i consider that i do not know how to start over--and that knowing how or not is not keeping me from having to start over. starting over. starting with over. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. yes. a theme for the blog.